On Grief And Loss

 I have been a counselor and sat with countless people over the last ten years.  And last weekend, I lost my first client in ten years to a brief but courageous battle with cancer.  I had worked with her for the last few years, and to say that this last week has been brutal would be an understatement.  

I think whenever we face loss of any kind, it generally causes us to take a step back and examine our own lives and ponder all of the existential questions.  How would I have handled this?  What if this was my journey?  What is the purpose of life?  What's the point?  Where is God to be found in this?  Etc., etc.  All of those are normal and important things to wonder about.  But one of the most significant questions to consider in my opinion is what does this mean for my life moving forward?  Is there anything that needs to change about my life and the way I live? 

From my own processing of this time so far, one thing has emerged.  I sat at her celebration of life service earlier this week and listened to all of the incredible things people shared about her and how she had impacted their lives and what she meant to them.  There were people there who represented all the chapters of her life, and it was incredible to hear the impact she had made.  Her life mattered.  And yet....she wasn't there to hear any of it.  I sat there wishing so hard that she had known those things while she was still alive and wondering why we don't share those things about people until they die.

I suppose that to tell another person how they have impacted our lives or changed us in some capacity or what they truly mean to us would be a pretty big risk to take.  And it puts us in a quite vulnerable position in many ways.  But friends....we are so quick to criticize and let people know when we aren't happy with something they are doing.  Can you imagine the impact it would have on people's lives and the world as a whole if we shared with them all of the good about them while they were still alive to be encouraged by it?

I'm not entirely sure how this could look in a practical way, but I welcome you to submit your ideas in the comments below.  A couple thoughts I have had include the following: Choose one person each week (or even one a month if that is more doable) and share with them something you appreciate about them or how they have impacted your life or what they mean to you.  A second idea (and my favorite) would be to use birthdays as a marker to do this.  Each year on someone's birthday, share these things with them, and if you keep doing it each year, that gives you a lot of awesome things you can share with a person!  Regardless of the how, let's make a conscious effort to let people know they matter and why.  You have no idea the impact your words can have on another.  

Love your people well.  The time we have with each person is a gift.  Let's make it count.